Comparison, perfectionism and quiet quitting your goals
I know how easy it is to look at other businesses and entrepreneurs online who seem to be absolutely nailing it with all of their amazing launches, sales, programs and offers and feel like you’re just failing in comparison. It’s a very easy rabbit hole to fall into and can lead us to spiral into feelings of inadequacy, confusion and despondency. We can then start to quiet quit and give up on our goals because - how can we ever be as amazing as our competitors?
In this episode, I’m discussing hard truths around how comparison, perfectionism and quiet quitting are impacting your business and I’m giving you some very practical tools to prevent you from being in this situation and what to do when you can feel that familiar tug to deep dive into hundreds of reels.
It’s so important to remember that perfectionism isn’t possible. We all want our business to be perfect in every way, just like everyone else's social media posts, but the reality is that perfection is unattainable and you have no idea what is happening behind the scenes. When we strive for perfection, we set ourselves up for failure because we can never live up to our expectations so we just give up. I’m taking you through exactly how to pick yourself up and appreciate the amazing job you are doing every single day and the amount of work you are putting into creating an incredible business.
Quiet quitting is something that many business owners do without even realizing it. We set goals for ourselves and our business, but when things get tough, we give up quietly and move on to something else. This can be so detrimental to our business because we're not giving ourselves a chance to succeed and adds to our feelings of inadequacy.
So, how can we avoid these pitfalls? Listen in for my own great tools that have worked for me every time I can feel myself starting to fall down the comparison path.
Remember, don’t compare someone’s everything to your something, focus on your own journey, embrace imperfection, hold yourself accountable to your own realistic goals, and find support from others when you need it and you’ll build a successful business that fills you with pride, energy and joy.
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[00:00:00] How many times have you found yourself down a rabbit hole, looking at others online and comparing yourself, your business, your life, all the things to what you're seeing? I don't even ask the question of, have you ever found yourself in this position? Because I'm gonna guess that nearly every single person has been.
[00:00:22] It often starts out as something that's quite innocent. You're scrolling online and then you see something or someone that triggers your interest, and then you start looking and then you start going down a rabbit hole of thinking, Ooh. What are they doing over there? Oh, wow. Look at how good this is, and look at how well they do that thing, or they've offered that thing, and how amazing is that?
[00:00:46] And then all of a sudden it flips back to you. And that innocent little curiosity has found you spiraling into a self-deprecating situation of doubting yourself and thinking that you are unworthy or not as good as or will never be that type of person. If that sounds familiar, please know you're not alone. We're gonna have a really frank conversation today with some hard truths around how this is impacting your business, but also giving you some tools and somewhere to start to prevent you from being in this situation.
[00:01:22] Are you ready? Let's go. Hello boss and welcome back to the Run Your Business Like a Boss podcast. I know that this conversation is going to resonate with so many of you, and I'll be honest. I myself have found myself in this situation a few times. I have definitely gotten better at recognizing that I'm in this place and that this is not helpful for me and being able to extract myself from this situation and recover without too many scratches and bruises. But if you find yourself regularly in a place of comparison and feeling unworthy or doubting yourself as a result of scrolling online, be it on websites or on social media, then I know you're gonna get so much value from what we're gonna talk about today.
[00:02:53] Now, comparison. It's not a new topic. No matter how old you are I'm sure you heard the term keeping up with the Joneses and what we are talking about when we're saying keeping up with the Joneses in, years gone by, we were talking about having the same car as them, having the same sort of house as them, new couch going on, similar holidays, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
[00:03:15] It was more around the personal side of things. However, the introduction of social media and really being able to see what people are doing in their business. It really opens up Pandora's box of comparing yourself professionally to others. It can really be not only professional, but in every facet of life. And it doesn't even need to be a competitor. It could be somebody who does something completely different, but they're achieving incredible things, and on paper they're doing all the things that you wish you could do, but now you feel like you can't because they're already claiming that space, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
[00:03:54] So in today's conversation, I wanted to give you some really practical tools of how to move through this comparison and really helping you to understand what happens when you get into this situation, as well as what to do to avoid getting into this situation as well. Because you really need to protect yourself because we are humans, you are human, and it's very easy to get caught in this trap of comparison.
[00:04:24] So let's begin with some tips to move through it. The first thing, as I always say, no change can be made unless you are self-aware. You are aware that there is a problem and that this is something that is actually really happening. So let's say you find yourself scrolling social media, and you come across someone who you think is incredible and all the things, and you start to look a little deeper, and then all of a sudden you can feel your mood shift. You can feel the comparison creeping in, you can feel those thoughts of, oh, I'm not as good as that person. Or look at what they're doing. I could never do that. Or, wow, they've claimed that space so nicely, I would, never get to that point.
[00:05:11] Right? So when you start to feel that happening, then you need to recognize you're in the place and you need to walk away. Often we are wanting to keep going, and we think that if we keep going, it'll get better, but in my experience, it doesn't. And so what you need to do is to consciously remove yourself from the situation, close down what it is that you are looking at and walk away.
[00:05:40] So when you are able to do that, that might be able to create more space. Then another thing that you can do is if you find yourself in a situation where. Maybe you're not deep diving onto someone's profile or website, but rather you are just watching reels after reels, after reels, and you are kind of getting fed the same thing.
[00:06:00] That's how the algorithm works, and you're starting to feel bad about yourself. Now, I heard something many, many years ago, and I feel like it came from a fitness influencer. I really wish I could credit this. This is not my thought, but it came from somewhere else. I can't remember where, I'm sorry. But it said, don't compare someone's everything to your something.
[00:06:25] Okay, I'm gonna say that again because I think this is such an important takeaway from today's conversation. Don't compare someone's everything to your something. So let's take the fitness influencer as an example, they may have the body that you want. But the reality is, is that maybe they have people that are cooking their meals for them, maybe they have more time to be able to commit to their workout, or maybe that is a much higher priority in their life.
[00:06:57] And you are raising children and, running a business and doing X, Y, Z, right? So your ability to be able to apply time to their everything is going to be much much less than what they can apply. And therefore, you're not on an equal footing and there's no way that you can equally compare yourself to that person.
[00:07:21] The same can be said in business. So let's take an example of someone, let's use the parenting example, right? So let's say you only have, 15 hours a week to work on your business. You have two days of childcare and they're the two days that you can work on your business. And then you are comparing your output to somebody who is able to work a 60 hour work week and does work a 60 hour work week, and you are thinking, why aren't I where they are? When the truth of the matter is, is that you are unable to apply that much time to your business versus that other person. And also you don't know what is available to them. You don't know how much money they're investing on the backend with support and tools and all of the things compared to what you have.
[00:08:10] So being really clear around you not comparing your something to somebody else's everything is going to help you to recognize that you are not comparing apples with apples.
[00:08:24] The next thing is to acknowledge that you are consuming content that that person is choosing to show you. Now this can bring about questions of authenticity and whether or not you need to show the all the things to be authentic, and I don't believe that you do. I think that as a content creator, as a business owner, as anyone who is showing anything to the world, it's entirely up to you what you show, and equally, You are consuming content from someone who is choosing what they want to show you, let's say for example, you're consuming content of a competitor and they're choosing to show you all their wins but they haven't actually shown you all the things that they've failed at.
[00:09:15] They are not obligated to show you those things, but the reality is, is that you have zero idea of what has gone into the development of their brand as it stands today. You may have followed their journey from the get go and feel like you know what their experience has been, but the truth is you'll never fully understand what that is.
[00:09:36] So acknowledging that you don't have the complete picture in order for you to be able to draw an accurate comparison or conclusion of where they fit against yourself. So being really mindful of the fact that you are consuming content that other people want you to see or to understand and that you don't actually have the full picture.
[00:10:00] I think that's the thing that we're often doing, and it's a little bit similar to the previous point in that you're comparing someone's everything to your something. You are also comparing someone's finished product to your everything. Right. So let's say that you have been on a journey where you have released this product and it hasn't done so well, and you've got this other product out there that's doing really well and that all you see from other people is their successes.
[00:10:29] You are going to look behind the scenes and all you are gonna see is your failings or your shortcomings, or the things that haven't quite landed and glaze over all of the wins that you have had. And that's what often happens when you are in this comparison trap is that you are comparing the things that haven't worked to someone's things that have worked.
[00:10:49] So point number four is something I have mentioned on the podcast before in episode number 31, turning 43, and the lessons learned along the way.
[00:10:59] I shared that jealousy is not a bad emotion. What jealousy is, is it something that can actually tell us about ourselves? We can learn something about ourselves through feelings of envy or jealousy. What often happens or what is attached to jealousy is poor behavior, is poor choices, is poor actions.
[00:11:21] So, knowing that jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing or envy is in and of itself is not a bad thing, will give you permission to feel those feelings and get curious about what that actually means for you. So what I mean by this is that let's say you are envious of someone else's products and or services or offers or whatever that might be, and the way that that has captured your attention.
[00:11:49] Well, maybe you might think, well, I feel like I don't have my offers in a place that are so strong. And maybe that me being envious of someone else's polished offers gives me an opportunity to think, well, how can I uplevel that? How can I present that better? Or how can I package that better for my client?
[00:12:10] Or maybe it's the way that they show up online, perhaps they show up with confidence and ease and you feel a little bit like, I don't feel as confident in myself, and I don't think I can show up in stories or on reels or wherever that might be in the same way that they would.
[00:12:27] Okay. The fact that I'm envious of that or the fact that that makes me feel a little bit jealous might be telling me that this is something that I want to do. In which case, what do I need to master, or what do I need to learn in order to be able to do that for myself and to feel confident in myself to show up in that way?
[00:12:48] Right. So taking that feeling of jealousy or envy, which traditionally is deemed as a a negative thing, and turning that into a learning opportunity and something that you can evolve or develop or to enrich to progress you forward is such a positive move. So knowing that. There is always an opportunity to learn from the jealousy rather than just putting yourself down, which is the natural thing to do, is when you see someone else killing it, doing the thing that you want, or having the thing that you want, you either start to put that person down or you start to put yourself down.
[00:13:25] And this is where this concept of quiet quitting can come in for business owners is that we start to think, oh, this idea, let's say we wanna roll out a new service, and then we are thinking, oh, here's what I wanna do. Then you start scrolling and you notice that other people are doing it.
[00:13:41] And you feel like they have that space and that they're doing really well and that there's no room for you, and then all of a sudden you start to go, Hmm, who am I to do that thing? Because that person over there is doing so well and there is no room for me. And without even realizing it, you are starting to back out of the goal.
[00:14:06] You are starting to have doubts that you are able to get to that point. You start to stop taking action or believe that that is something that you want for yourself or for your business, all because you see someone else online who's doing something similar that you personally couldn't meet up to their standard.
[00:14:27] So being really careful about what you do with that envy and what you're doing with that jealousy and that perception of what others are doing online and how that impacts you and your business decisions and the actions that you take day-to-day.
[00:14:41] So how do you avoid comparison? Well, first of all, it's very difficult to avoid it all together, but there are things that you can do to minimize it.
[00:14:53] So the first thing I would encourage you to do is to get really intentional around how you are consuming content. You boss always have the power. You always have the choice of whether or not you are going to go down a path and looking online at competitors or at other people that you deem to be successful.
[00:15:14] That will then impact the way or influence the way that you feel about yourself. So if you feel like you don't have that, Will, if you like to be able to switch it off when it happens, then get really intentional about curating your newsfeed. Are you following all your competitors? For me personally, I have chosen to mute all of my competitors, not because I don't want success for them.
[00:15:38] That's why I still follow them. I want them to be successful. I want them to have their achievements. I want them to have an awesome business and be working with awesome clients. But I don't need that influence in my newsfeed. I don't need to have that pop in. I would rather choose to go and have a look, which I don't, but I would rather choose to actively have that information popping into my sphere versus it just popping into my newsfeed.
[00:16:06] So, Getting really intentional about what you are consuming and the content of whom you are consuming it of. If that means muting people or unfollowing people, or curating who's in your newsfeed, please make sure that you do that. You are always in control. The second thing is to be really mindful when you are on social apps.
[00:16:28] How are you interacting? Are you interacting from a place of lack or are you interacting from a place of abundance? Are you interacting from a place of I'm not good enough, or I'm not worthy, or from a place of here, let's see what's out there. Let's consume some content. Let's support, build a community, all of those things.
[00:16:48] So getting really intentional about the goals of social media and what it is that you as a business owner want to achieve from socials will help you to decipher or determine how you interact with content or information from others.
[00:17:04] There's something else that I wanted to touch on in today's conversation is that comparison can trigger perfectionism, fantasies, or perfectionism or perfectionistic thoughts. As I was indicating earlier is that you could be comparing someone's everything to your something. The truth is, is that what can often happen is that we are looking at someone's finished example of what they're putting out to the world via their website or via their socials. And at this point it might be something that is an idea or something that you are looking to explore or something that you are wanting to roll out. And that may mean that it is an underdeveloped skill. It's something that you are learning and something that you are working towards, but something that maybe you haven't got completely nailed.
[00:17:57] We are conditioned to believe that we need to be perfect. I mean, social media is fantastic at that. Look at the all the filters that are out there. Look at the way that we put our best foot forward on socials, but knowing that you don't need to be perfect or giving yourself permission to not be great out of the gates.
[00:18:17] Is actually going to help you or prevent you from getting caught on perfectionistic thoughts. You don't need to put something out to the world that's absolutely perfection, that it needs to be mastered. Because if you were to do that, you would never take any risks. The reality is, is that your successes are a result of all the failures that you have, all the mistakes that you've had, the evolution of your products and services, the evolution of your story, the evolution of your brand, and.
[00:18:47] You can't get that right on the first go. I've got many conversations around failing. Comparison can trigger perfectionistic thoughts that you are not good enough to do that because you don't have enough experience, or that you don't have what it takes, or you don't have all the things that that other person has.
[00:19:06] And what I want to encourage you, is to really understand that you are in a story. You are in a journey, and it's okay to put your best next step forward. It doesn't need to be perfect. You don't need to put perfect things out to the world. It's not what's required of you as a business owner.
[00:19:27] And it's okay to fail, and it's okay to make mistakes, and it's okay to not get it right, but if you are holding yourself back because you're holding yourself to an unrealistic standard, then you will never get better. You will never evolve.
[00:19:46] So. What is the big lesson from all of this is to remember where you are at and to know that every person that you compare yourself to online has their own journey, has their own story, has their own set of challenges that you are not privy to. And to be really intentional about guarding what is coming into your mindset, guarding what you are reading, guarding what you are allowing into your life and into your business
[00:20:19] because comparison and perfectionism, it leads to you bowing out of what it is that you truly desire. And that is a travesty. That is very unfortunate and I don't want that for you. So knowing that others go through this and you're not alone, but that I've shared with you some really, really actionable and simple ways , to safeguard your mindset and your perspective.
[00:20:49] Then that is what is going to keep you moving forward. Boss, I really do hope that this conversation has supported you, and I'm curious to know what are you going to put into action? How are you going to protect yourself? What are you going to put out to the world in spite of not being great out of the Feel free to send me a dm. Feel free to share it out on stories or if this episode resonated with you and you know someone that could really benefit from hearing this, please share this to them. As always, I appreciate you. You're doing an amazing job and. Keep doing what you're doing because what you're doing needs to be out in the world.
[00:21:36] Thanks again for listening. As always, I look forward to chatting with you next week.
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About your host, Kristy
Hi, I'm Kristy, thank you for tuning in to the Run Your Business Like a Boss Podcast. My purpose for the podcast is to help Business Owner’s in the growth stage of business (messy middle) have a sustainable business, they love.
I’m an online business coach, based in Brisbane, Australia. I provide 1:1 business coaching, to Service Based Online Business Owner's and a group coaching program commencing in 2022. I believe whole heartedly that having a Business Coach is what gives you the competitive edge. As your coach I support you to overcome challenges quickly, uncover blindspots and make business decisions with confidence and clarity. All of which keeps you moving forward and maintaining momentum.
As your Business Coach, my role is to help you organise and formulate your ideas, turn them into a goal and then into an actionable plan! All while meeting you where you're at and providing you relevant tools and support along the way.
Thank you for tuning in to the Run Your Business Like A Boss podcast!